Monday, April 23, 2007

My Ten Years in Hiding

I lived secretly in the woods for ten years when the FBI confused my name with a counterfeiter and came after me. I lived off mostly elk that I would kill with my spear and sometimes my bare hands, and also berries and things like that. Finally they caught the right guy and I could move back to Pittsburgh.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

KY Jelly

Did you know that KY liquid jelly was invented in kentucky and that's what it stands for?

Sunday, April 15, 2007

My Pokemon friends

Before I came here, I lived in Japan, you know. I lived in the village where most of the Pokemon characters actually live. I hung out with them every day. They were very cool, and it was great to be part of their games.

I'm sad that I can't talk to them any more, because they don't have email there.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Just a few stitches

Yes, I got this cut on my cheek yesterday when I got hit by a train. I was crossing the street listening to my tunes and I didn't hear the whistle blowing and the next thing I knew this train hit me at 60 mph. Luckily I have good intestinal fortitude so it didn't hurt too bad. The train is really messed up though.

Friday, April 06, 2007

America's Army

A lot of people don't know this, but the America's Army game, put out as a recruitment tool by the US armed forces, isn't just a recruitment aide. It has subliminal messaging, like a magic eye 3d poster, but in video game form. The more you play it, it teaches you all kinds of military killing skills.

I spend every free minute playing that game so I can become a better killing machine. The other week I got attacked by a stray coyote and grabbed it by it's face and smashed it's head into the sidewalk. I did it all without thinking. If I hadn't played that game, I probably would have run in terror and got mauled.

Spelling Test

Well the reason I only got three right on my spelling test is because the letters keep changing. That was a Y, but it curled up into a E! And I had two Ls there, but someone stole one of them. I hate this stupid piece of paper!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Various Lies Hits 10 million users; Wins Pulitzer

As of today, April 1, Various Lies celebrated its 10 millionth hit, just as we received congratulations from the Pulitzer family on winning their famous award. As a result, the U.S. Congress declared henceforth April 1 of every year to be "Various Lies" day.