My Ten Years in Hiding

I lived secretly in the woods for ten years when the FBI confused my name with a counterfeiter and came after me. I lived off mostly elk that I would kill with my spear and sometimes my bare hands, and also berries and things like that. Finally they caught the right guy and I could move back to Pittsburgh.

KY Jelly

Did you know that KY liquid jelly was invented in kentucky and that's what it stands for?

My Pokemon friends

Before I came here, I lived in Japan, you know. I lived in the village where most of the Pokemon characters actually live. I hung out with them every day. They were very cool, and it was great to be part of their games.

I'm sad that I can't talk to them any more, because they don't have email there.

Just a few stitches

Yes, I got this cut on my cheek yesterday when I got hit by a train. I was crossing the street listening to my tunes and I didn't hear the whistle blowing and the next thing I knew this train hit me at 60 mph. Luckily I have good intestinal fortitude so it didn't hurt too bad. The train is really messed up though.

America's Army

A lot of people don't know this, but the America's Army game, put out as a recruitment tool by the US armed forces, isn't just a recruitment aide. It has subliminal messaging, like a magic eye 3d poster, but in video game form. The more you play it, it teaches you all kinds of military killing skills.

I spend every free minute playing that game so I can become a better killing machine. The other week I got attacked by a stray coyote and grabbed it by it's face and smashed it's head into the sidewalk. I did it all without thinking. If I hadn't played that game, I probably would have run in terror and got mauled.

Spelling Test

Well the reason I only got three right on my spelling test is because the letters keep changing. That was a Y, but it curled up into a E! And I had two Ls there, but someone stole one of them. I hate this stupid piece of paper!

Various Lies Hits 10 million users; Wins Pulitzer

As of today, April 1, Various Lies celebrated its 10 millionth hit, just as we received congratulations from the Pulitzer family on winning their famous award. As a result, the U.S. Congress declared henceforth April 1 of every year to be "Various Lies" day.