Thursday, October 26, 2006

US: Get Ready for the New Unit of Measurement

The United States Bureau of Weights and Measures today confirmed they are abandoning the metric system as the replacement for measuring distances. For decades, the system based on the 'meter' held promise because, as independent studies reveal, Americans would prefer a decimal-based system in which it is easier to do math. In practice, however, the majority felt uncomfortable switching to a system whose basic unit had no meaning in real life (unlike, for example, the foot).

That's why the Bureau in conjunction with the Dept. of Commerce today revealed the new standard for measuring distance: the starbuck. One starbuck is the average distance between Starbucks, or .273 miles. For example, my office is exactly 32.4 starbucks from my house. In a smaller scale, one millistarbuck is 49 inches.

The Dept. of Commerce expects complete conversion by the end of 2007.


Blogger The dykes next door said...

What happens if you live in a town without a Starbucks? I know that it is hard to comprehend such a place, but there are a few places that have not yet been blessed with a Starbucks. Does the measurement get larger then? Like 129 miles = a Starbuck?

4:53 PM  
Blogger LeoBro said...

No that would be silly, like a "foot" being longer in predominately Swedish communities. Or the "yard" (which is based on the size of the average front yard in New York city) being longer in the San Fernando Valley.

Rest assured. The new unit is based on the average distance of all Starbucks in the United States.

7:25 PM  
Blogger Lew said...

Also, the new measure of weight will be "people" and the measure will be based on the average weight of Americans, which is 327 pounds. The average is thrown off by the morbidly obese. In that regard, I can say that my car weighs 12.23 people.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Prof. von Stubenheimberger said...

While it is a correct statement that the unit of Starbucks will be constant throughout the geographical span of the United States, it is also worth pointing out that the unit will decrease in size over time as new Starbucks locations are created.

Fortunately, this anomoly is precisely offset by the expansion of the universe.

11:07 AM  
Blogger The dykes next door said...

Well, this measuring system will be much easier to remember and convert to from our useless measurement system. I personally can't wait to start using this! I actually went to a workshop (for teachers) WAAAAAY back in 1975, where they taught us the metric system and said that by 1980, everything would be in the metric system. I'll bet that the people that told us about the metric system are upset now! They had their opportunity, but didn't make it work, so I'm really glad that we are going to give the starbuck a chance now.

9:58 PM  

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