Thursday, November 09, 2006

Ultra-cats

In the 1960s, the Soviet Union as part of their cold war arms buildup began genetic experimentation, resulting in the creation of Ultra-cats. It took years of work, and many revisions of cats, but the final spec for ultra-cats basically read like this: Minimum of 2200 pounds, at least 6 foot high at the shoulder, with strength roughly equivalent to 10 Siberian tigers. For combat certification, each Ultra-cat had to bite through a 2" thick steel bar, rip the tracks off of a T-68 combat tank, and run at least 95mph, although elites could easily top 150.

The problem they had with them, though, is they were too hard to control, and too strong to effectively contain. Many trainers were eaten or gored, Ultra-cats during war games were sometimes known to do more damage to their allies than their enemies, and several escaped custody.

The program was eventually scrapped and all the animals euthanized, except for the few that escaped. They were long thought to be dead, but recently a village in Siberia was devastated by a large, cat like creature the locals have dubbed "ha natma tumbisi" or "That which swallows man whole" Russian officials have had to cover this up, because the program is still classified.

6 Comments:

Blogger LeoBro said...

Funny you should mention that. I'm about halfway now to Siberia. I've been hired to slay the cat that's been terrorizing the village. That's why I haven't been posting.

10:38 PM  
Blogger Lew said...

Wow, good luck. A helpful hint: Cyanide tipped darts are about the best way to do it. Otherwise you better bring an army.

8:07 PM  
Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Great, just great! And I thought hating cats was enough, now I'm going to have one of these f*ckers chasing me!

2:20 AM  
Blogger The dykes next door said...

I actually own one of those cats! I knew that it was kind of big, but I had no idea that it was engineered that way! I was fertilizing the garden and it accidentally got into the Miracle Grow. Stupid me, I thought THAT was the reason it got so big. Ours is not fierce though. It actually helps a lot around the house. It can open cans, and a lot of other useful stuff. The only drawback is that you have to be very careful and get out of the way if it starts spitting up hairballs!

10:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck.

6:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cats are scary.

4:30 AM  

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