Monday, July 31, 2006

HOT Stock Tip

Last week, Walmart, Inc. (NYSE: WMT) decided to place an order for over a million Fat Cart model 375 from Consolidated Cart and Wheelchair (Nasdaq: CCW) to cater to it's constantly growing population of morbidly obese customers.

This order includes enhanced suspensions to combat some of the crushings that have plagued the Fat Cart model 281 series that Walmart has been using for the last 5 years, in which the suspension of the Fat Cart fails to support the weight of a 400+ pound customer. More than 3,000 of the Original Fat Cart Model 281 have had their suspension systems crushed.

The model 375 also has an enhanced battery system. The batteries on the model 281 Fat Cart would wear down under heavy loads, and go dead. In the past year alone there, out of Walmarts 3000+ nation wide stores, there were at least 10 known incidents of an obese individual having to get up and walk more than halfway across the store to retrieve a fully charged Fat Cart. The new model 375 includes a backup battery which should have enough power to return the operator to the front of the store.

In 2003, Morgan Chris of Titusville, Montana was killed as he tried to pull a gas grill off of an overhead shelf with his "reaching stick" and into the basket of his Fat Cart. Instead, the gas grill fell off the shelf and broke his neck. To prevent further incidents, the Fat Cart model 375 has an overhead roll cage.

In another Fat Cart related fatality, Stanley Watkins of Spokesville, Oregon was headed towards the snack shop at speeds estimated to be well over 5 mph. He struck and killed 3 of what Walmart refers to as "pedestrian shoppers", I.E. the few customers who choose to make the journey from one side of the store to the other on foot. Watkin's blood alcohol level was estimated to be 3 times the legal limit for operating a motorized vehicle. The new Fat Cart model 375 includes an onboard breathalyzer and a collision avoidance system which cuts power to the wheels when a pedestrian crosses in front of the vehicle.

With the order of a million Fat Cart model 375s, Consolidated Cart and Wheelchair's (Nasdaq: CCW) stock is expected to skyrocket. CCW is also in talks with Meijer, Home Depot, Lowes to possibly deliver a combined total of 16 million Fat Carts over the next 5 years.

CCW is also in talks with the Department of Homeland Security and the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to provide a Fat Cart to every man, woman, and child in the United States. The Center for Disease Control has upgraded obesity from an epidemic to a "natural disaster" and is placing FEMA in charge of dealing with obesity.


Blogger LeoBro said...

I bought 1,000 shares of CCW last Tuesday, and sold them today for $1.3 million profit! First thing tomorrow, I'm buying me two of those fat carts!

9:22 PM  
Anonymous dennis said...

one time i was at Walmart and pretended i had broken my toe. then i used a FatCart and knocked stuff off the shelves because i could barely drive the thing straight.

also, balls. and jon smells.

10:11 AM  
Anonymous calculatus eliminatus said...

FYI: Nasdaq stock symbols won't have 3 letters--NYSE sybols have 3 letters.

Nasdaq symbols will typically have 4 letters (although Microsoft was listed on the DOW while retaining it's Nasdaq symbol MSFT).

So this report mis-itentifies CCW as a Nasdaq listing when it's evidently NYSE listed...

11:33 AM  

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